


The Logic of Going with the Flow

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d never seen Emily so quiet in her life; not even after someone tried to kill her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Logic of Going with the Flow

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told in the [Babylon](http://lairofthemuses.livejournal.com/tag/babylon) universe, where Hotch is Hotch and Emily is the lead singer of a rock band. It’s probably better to read that story if you want to understand this one. 1770 days after writing my first fic in this fandom, I am at another major milestone. This is fic #700. I never thought I would get here, I hardly know what to say. I am so proud of every fic I've ever written. I love them all. I love the support, love, and feedback I've gotten from fans of the show and every crazy pairing my mind could come up with. But in the end, it starts and ends with these two. From the first glimmers of subtext I got from them in Season 3, to meeting up with like minded people here on LJ and starting a community where we could ramble on and on about it, its always been about Hotch/Prentiss. Other pairings are fun, they occupy my time and I love writing them and sharing them. But if not for these two, I wouldnt even be here right now. So its only appropriate #700 be about them, even if it is AU....another favorite of mine. I hope you enjoy it.

He never ran on a treadmill unless inclement weather drove him inside. It was cold this morning but the skies were clear, blue, and beautiful. Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner ran around the track alone. He was alert, aware of all going on around him. As much as he would've loved to put on his iPod and have The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, or Supertramp help him along, he needed to keep his eyes and ears open.

Sometimes he was envious of those oblivious to all the danger in the world. Of course some of those people ended up on slabs and he had to solve the case. Hotch had no idea why these thoughts were running through his head this morning. It was cold and he was running out of necessity and exercise.

When the cell phone on his hip buzzed, Hotch couldn’t ignore it. There were times he thought he could but it never worked. He always answered; was always there. Grabbing the Blackberry and looking at the display, Hotch almost stopped cold when he saw the name. He began to jog some and then slowed down to a walk as he answered.

“Hotchner.” His tone was as serious as always.

“Hotchner, this is Prentiss.” Emily’s voice came through the phone.

Hotch looked at his watch and saw it was early. It seemed way too early for Emily Prentiss to be awake. Her voice sounded normal, calm, but he suddenly wasn’t sure what kind of phone call this was. Had something happened to Jason? They hadn't talked in almost two weeks and Hotch suddenly regretted that. If he was alright, the next phone call would be to him.

“Good morning, Emily.”

“You sound breathless? Are you alright?”

“I was running.” Hotch replied.

“From what?” she laughed at her own joke.

“Running is good for your heart.”

“But it’s bad for your shins, ankles, and arches.”

“Spoken like a true couch potato.” Hotch said.

“Ooh, Aaron Hotchner made a funny. I’ll have you know I was up to four miles at one point…how do you think I know its bad for your arches.”

“What were you running from?”

“Confections…they’re a weakness.”

“How are you, Emily?”

Hotch stopped running, putting his hand on his neck to check his pulse. He slipped the phone back in his pocket after activating the Bluetooth and started doing stretches on the track. If he caught a cramp out here alone he was in big trouble.

“I'm good; I've been busy. I got your thank you card.”

“That was a few months ago.” Hotch said. “I meant to call but…”

“Uh huh, insert thousands of BS excuses here. Luckily, I know how intense and busy your job can be so just this once I'm willing to overlook it. You were raised right, Agent Hotchner. I think the last time I got thank you cards was when I had to endure a sweet 16 party. They're very Upper East Side.”

“I really liked the Christmas gift.”

She sent him a bottle of almost 10 year old 96 proof Jack Daniels, made for the Tennessee bicentennial. Inside the special box Emily also sent a bunch of pictures of her friends and loved ones posing with the bottle. Hotch actually kept the picture of Emily, Penelope, and Jason posing with the bottle, which they stuck a tiny Santa hat on, on his desk at Quantico.

“Did you drink it or save it?” she asked.

“I put it on the credenza in my office.”

“Oh dear God, you have a credenza.” Emily laughed. “I love that about you.”

“You love that I have a credenza?”

“Yeah, I do. I've been…” Emily sighed. “I've been thinking about you.”

He wanted to tell her that he’d been thinking about her too. He’d been thinking about her almost everyday since leaving her in Boston to finish her tour while he went back to his life in Quantico. Not that Aaron Hotchner had much of a life. It was all about work, work, and more work. He’d actually tried dating recently.

Andi Swann was another agent; knew the work and how it could consume you. It mostly ended up being friends with benefits for a couple of months. Hotch would've called it off if there was something to call off. Andi did the hard work for him…she told him she wanted someone away from the hell.

It was work; it was about time for her to stop making it life. He was thinking the same thing and told her so. The only problem he had was the woman he couldn’t get off his mind had walked off into the sunset with a man who waited ten years to be by her side. How long was Aaron Hotchner supposed to wait?

“Are you doing alright?” he didn’t know what else to say. Hotch was afraid if he opened his mouth all of his thoughts would come out. That was a very bad idea. So he asked the question that was second nature to him in his line of work.

“Well, I hate to make it sound as if I called to ask you a favor.”

“But you called to ask me a favor.”

“Sort of.” Emily replied.

“What can I do?” Hotch asked.

“I want to see Adam. Now before you try to talk me out of it, hear me out. He is my friend, Hotch. The person who attacked Sam that night and tried to consume me was not Adam. His lawyer has managed to get him in a facility, privately run.

“It turns out his family has some standing in the Connecticut community where they live. I guess we all have our secrets, huh? Anyway, his lawyer, my lawyer, and the DA are all trying to talk me out of it but I'm the victim. I have a right to confront the accused.”

“You have a right in a court of law, Emily. I don’t know about a cushy mental institution in Connecticut.” Hotch said.

“I don’t want him prosecuted if he needs help.”

“You don’t get to make that decision.”

“Tell me about it.” she smirked.

“How would you feel if he’d have killed Sam?”

“He didn’t. I don’t even want to think about how I would feel if he did. Please, just help me OK? I can’t ask Sam. He’s not bitter about being shot; that’s not his nature. But that doesn’t mean he wants me anywhere near Adam Jackson.

“I thought about asking Jason but he’d go into full papa bear mode. Jason has some serious Kodiak tendencies when it comes to his cubs. My friends don’t understand, Hotch. They want to, they love me and I love them but I'm not going to drag one of them there with me. You’re the only one who can do this. Please.”

“When?” he asked, damning himself for surrendering so easily to her whims.

Hotch could only begin to understand how she was feeling. Having a friend who wanted to hurt her must have been a tough pill to swallow. Then knowing that friend was sick and when he was in his right mind was one of the coolest people she knew. Hell, he’d been on the tour with Adam…he was a good kid.

He was a decent filmmaker, a rock fan, and a pleasant human being. Whoever was in that bedroom with Hotch and Emily that night clearly was not Adam. While the profiler had no idea how he felt about DID diagnoses, he knew that all Emily wanted was answers. She deserved as much after all that she’d been through.

“We can visit any day from 11am to 8pm. Monday is when I have the most time. I know this is short notice, and I'm sorry but honestly I had to talk myself into calling you. I didn’t want to hear you say no. I thought maybe you could come up for the weekend. I never got to show you the best of Manhattan while you were here.”

“I was a bit busy.” Hotch replied. “It wasn’t a shortcoming on your part, Emily.”

“I know. Now you're not so busy.” Emily replied. “Well I don’t know if you're busy or not but if you come I don’t want you driving or flying all the way down here just for that. I want to take you to dinner and show you a nice time.”

“Oh. Um…”

“Are you busy this weekend? It’s OK if you are; we can make plans to do it some other time. I really want to do this, Hotch. I want to see Adam…I want to see you as well.”

“I have some free time.” he said.

Hotch had five million things he needed to be doing this weekend. He didn’t give a damn; he was pushing it all aside. It was pretty sad that he was willing to do that even knowing he could never be with Emily. She was in love with someone else. They slept together but that only lasted about 15 minutes.

Emily had many lovers…Hotch might have been a notch on her belt. No, he felt something that night. Even drenched in Jack Daniels, fucking with his pants on, he still felt it. Acting on it at the time would've been unprofessional, and possibly deadly. That didn’t mean it wasn’t there. Hotch just wanted to feel it again; for a night, for a damn hour if that was all he had.

“You do?” Emily asked. “That’s wonderful. I'm really sorry that I'm calling you out of the blue and asking for a favor. I meant to call a million times. I actually picked up the phone to do it but something stopped me. I don’t want to be a distraction to you; or a disruption.”

“You couldn’t be either one of those things to me, Emily. I know how busy you’ve been since we last saw each other. Jason and I talk every other week or so. The phone works both ways but I just…I know how busy you’ve been. I’ll drive down on Saturday morning and we’ll go and see Adam on Monday.”

Emily was so grateful and told him so. She needed to do this; needed to begin the process of moving on. It would be good for her to do that with someone she trusted. He would be able to talk to her and make her feel better.

“So I’ll see you in a couple of days?” she asked.

“Yes. I’ll call you when I get to town. I know what happens when people show up at your place unannounced. I don’t know if I could handle underage girls with a side of coffee and a hint of cloves.”

“Most guys would call that a fantasy, Agent Hotchner, not a fault.” Emily laughed. “Damn, I'm really looking forward to seeing you.”

“Me too. Goodbye, Emily.”

“Bye.”

Hotch hung up the phone and then just stood there. He stood there in the middle of the track until the cold started to seep through his running pants. Hotch shook it off, whatever it was, and did a slow jog back to his car. He would see Emily in a few days but until then there was other things to do and another life to live.

***

“You better be lucky you're smaller than I am.” Penelope said. “If not, I’d so be stealing this sweater. Ooh, and these pants too. Did you get these pants from JJ?”

“Yes, and you don’t even wear pants. You like the sweater?” Emily asked, coming out of her closet.

“It’s the color…I love its marooniness. Sometimes I just want to be maroony.”

“I love you, Penelope.” She smiled.

“I love you too, Peaches. That’s why I can tell you that you're going through a lot for a brunch date.”

“What?” she went back into the closet.

“You spent a couple of months with Hotch. He knows how you dress. This isn’t a first date…is it?”

“No, it’s not a date. He's coming here so he can go with me to see Adam.”

“What?” now Penelope was sitting up in Emily’s bed. “Peaches…”

“Don’t. Don’t try to talk me out of this. I need to do this.”

“He tried to kill you.” Penelope reasoned. “I mean, I loved him too but he tried to kill you.”

“No, that monster that lives inside of him did. Adam is my friend; he's your friend too. I want to see him and I'm going to see him. I thought Hotch would understand. He was here that night. He saw Adam change. Please just support me.”

“You know I'm gonna do that no matter what. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yeah.” Emily nodded. She sat down on her bed beside her best friend. “This isn’t just about Adam…this is for me.”

Penelope nodded, putting her arm around her. Emily took a deep breath and knew she was going to be OK. It might not be today or tomorrow but it would be soon. She’d never run from anything in her life…now was not the time to start.

“You really like the sweater?”

“Oh hell yeah, and Hotch will like it too. If that’s what you're going for you're going to pass with flying colors.”

Emily smiled but she didn't know what she was going for where Aaron Hotchner was concerned. She still couldn’t believe she’d called him. He sounded good on the phone and happy to hear from her. Emily honestly expected him to say no to her request. She didn’t know why he didn’t but she truly appreciated it.

“I just need to do this.” She said again, barely whispering it.

“Is this just about Adam or something else?” Penelope asked.

“I guess that’s another thing I need to find out. Too many things are unresolved. I'm not the only one who needs answers and some kind of closure.”

***

The place was called Gemak, which was Dutch for comfort. The cuisine wasn’t Dutch though, it was good old American comfort food. Being just a mile from Emily’s apartment, when Hotch called at 10am she said they could meet there at one. Halfway there Emily realized she left her wallet in her apartment. She thought of turning back but it was late February.

The weather spurred her on…she needed to be someplace warm. Emily saw him sitting in a booth when she walked by the window. Her heart made a little jump; she told herself to calm down. When she walked in, she took time to speak with the hostess at the counter.

Emily and Penelope were semi-regulars. They came in at least once a month for sustenance after a Friday night gig or a night of bar hopping. Taking a deep breath she walked over to Hotch. He stood up from the booth and she smiled.

“I love your outfit.” She thought he looked amazing in blue jeans, a black Polo sweater and white on white shell-toed Adidas.

“I literally just threw this on.” He replied.

When Emily wrapped her arms around him, Hotch pulled her close. He inhaled the scent of her; Jason told him it was Vera Wang Sheer Veil. It quickly became his favorite scent just as it was Emily’s. He didn’t want to let her go but managed to show some decorum. They sat across from each other wearing pleasant smiles.

“I can guess what you want.” He said.

“That’s not fair, you're a profiler.”

The server arrived; Emily ordered her first of many cups of coffee. Hotch preferred tea.

“How's Sam?” he asked.

“He's great. He's working too hard, as usual, in the name of underprivileged kids. I swear the man is my hero. He's tireless in his efforts. Honestly he should be running the place; I bet he will one day.

“And they say he's a shoo-in for New York City Man of the Year. Cross your fingers for him. My father just gave a very sizable donation to the Family Action Network. Sam is doing such good work there.”

“And you two?”

Hotch couldn’t believe he went there but he did. The truth of the matter was that he just had to know. Sam Kassmeyer was one of the good guys; Hotch liked him a lot. Yes, he was dating the woman he had growing feelings for but that was no one’s fault. The more they talked about him, the more Hotch reminded himself Sam was a good guy.

Then he would feel better. No, that was bullshit. Hotch felt worse. It was reality so better not to lie to himself.

Sam Kassmeyer was no Ian Doyle…he couldn’t make a long list of reasons to despise him. Just thinking about that left a sour taste in Hotch’s mouth. He would wash it down with one of the ten tea varieties being offered to him. Emily asked the server for a little more time as she added cream and sugar to her coffee.

“We broke up a couple of weeks before Christmas.” She replied. “I don’t even like to say that because we never really got to the place where we were in a relationship. I love Sam and he loves me. We’re going to feel that way for the rest of our lives. It’s just that that love is not romantic. I guess we had to really try romance to figure that out.”

“I'm sorry, Emily.”

“There's nothing to be sorry about.” Emily opened her menu as if she didn’t know everything that they served. “Sam is such an amazing guy. I'm a very lucky girl to have him in my life. The week after we kinda broke up he met Jessica Brooks. She works for Manhattan Magazine and interviewed him for a monthly segment called Hometown Hero. If there's a word stronger than smitten, that’s how Sam feels about Jess. I've never seen him so into someone before…not even me.”

“Well there's besotted.” Hotch replied. “Maybe you mean enraptured, ensorcelled, or infatuated.”

“I think you're showing off, Agent Hotchner.”

“Maybe.” He said smiling.

“Oh wow, I missed those dimples.”

“I didn’t have much to smile about the last time we were together.”

“I surely hope that’s different now.”

Hotch didn’t say anything and the server returned for their brunch order. He just wanted pancakes but Emily wanted a steak, spinach, and cheese egg white omelet. She also ordered home fries. He wondered where she put it all.

“I left my wallet at home.” She said. “I was halfway here when I realized. I thought I should probably tell you before we ate.”

“Its OK, you can work off your debt to me over time.”

“I will definitely do that. Also, dinner is on me.”

“Emily…you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. I did invite you here; I don’t mind spending a little money on you. We’ll swing by my place, get my wallet, and then it’s off for some wild and crazy adventures. Are you ready?”

Hotch just smiled, not entirely sure how to answer that. Nothing in his life could be described as wild and crazy except for the people he put behind bars.

***

“Mmm,” Hotch hummed into the crook of her neck.

Emily sighed, wrapping her arms tighter around him. She wasn’t ready to let go yet. There were very few men that Emily wanted to linger when it was over. She wanted Hotch as deep as he could go so they could feel the aftershocks together. There were few men who gave her aftershocks. The earthquake with Hotch was off the chart…super fuckin fantastic.

_After a pleasant brunch with scattered conversation, Hotch and Emily made their way back to her apartment. She lit a clove, which was always awesome after a meal. Slipping her arm in his, they didn’t talk much as they walked. It didn’t matter because the silence was comfortable. Emily felt warm having Hotch close after so long._

_She wondered if there was any validity to the vibe she got from him after she said her relationship with Sam was over. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. Any woman with a pulse would have a crush on Aaron Hotchner. It was his job to put his body between her and danger. When he tackled her to the ground at the Road House Emily wondered if he knew how turned on she was._

_The fact that he was so good looking didn’t hurt. The raven hair, hazel eyes, and excellent physique…she fantasized about what they could do together. They’d done it for about 15 minutes in Memphis. Fueled by alcohol and lust, Emily finally got to taste his forbidden fruit. She was like Eve now and wanted to get very friendly with his serpent._

_Penelope was the only one who knew what happened in that hotel room. Her best friend told her that if she wanted him, go after him. Emily Prentiss had never been afraid to go after what she wanted. There was something she feared about Aaron Hotchner though._

_“You're not cold, are you?” Hotch asked._

_“No, I'm fine. I'm a Manhattan girl through and through. We’re not scared of winter. Hell, I spent a winter in Odessa…I better not be scared of winter. Are you cold?”_

_“No.” he shook his head. “You lived in Odessa?”_

_“My mother was the first US Ambassador there after the dissolution of the Soviet Union. She was there from 1992 to 93 before moving on to Italy, where the weather was much better. But I was only there for about four months when she requested my father come and collect his ‘devil child’.”_

_“Oh.”_

_Emily nodded, focusing again on her cigarette. It was the most she’d said about her mother to anyone in a while. She didn’t want to think about Elizabeth right now…other things were more significant at the moment. Once they got to her apartment, Emily unlocked the door to let them in. George looked surprised to see her back so soon. He was bathing on the kitchen counter._

_“Oh my God, you Furball!” she exclaimed. “So this is what you do when I'm gone? This is a blatant disregard of the rules and boundaries I put in place, George. I really think you don’t listen to me when I talk and that’s extremely disappointing.”_

_He contemplated his next move for a moment or two. Then he went back to licking his ass. Hotch couldn’t help but smirk at the scene. Even Emily Prentiss’ cat was a smartass. She just shook her head._

_“I’ll be right back, OK? Wait right here.”_

_Emily went to walk away but Hotch took gentle hold of her wrist. She looked at him, a questioning look in her eyes. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. Hotch kissed her; no pomp and no circumstance. He caressed the back of her head as the kiss deepened. Emily’s tongue battled his but she couldn’t overpower him. Breathless, she had to pull away._

_“I'm sorry.” Hotch mumbled, shivering as she ran her fingers over his lips._

_“I can't believe you're apologizing for that. It was an amazing kiss, Aaron.”_

_“I just…”_

_Emily shut him up with another kiss. She didn’t want him to talk himself, or try to talk her, out of the feeling. The feeling was mutual and fantastic. Lips still locked, she started moving him down the hall toward the bedroom. Hotch didn’t object. He picked her up in his arms halfway there so it wouldn’t take as long._

_The first and last time he was in her bedroom, there was a madman with a gun to her head. That was the same person Emily wanted to see the day after tomorrow. He knew why she was doing it but it still made Hotch hold her tighter as their coats came off and they fell back on the bed._

_“I don’t want a quickie.” She mumbled between kisses._

_“I’ll take it as slow as I can stand.”_

_“I want you to make love to me.”_

_Hotch moaned just thinking about it. He wanted her naked; he wanted to be naked too. He wanted to feel every inch of her; touch, taste, and experience her. Emily Prentiss was bound to be an experience. Hotch took her clothes off quickly but once she was naked, he stopped._

_“What is it?” Emily opened her eyes and caressed his face._

_“You're so damn beautiful. I tried to stop thinking about you all the time but I couldn’t.”_

_“I couldn’t stop either.”_

_Emily pulled the sweater over his head but then Hotch took her hands. He wanted to take his time; give her the amazing attention she gave him that night in Memphis. Starting at her earlobe, Hotch nibbled. The way Emily giggled and shivered turned him on. His lips moved down her neck, his tongue trailing across the smooth expanse of her throat._

_“Mmm, Aaron,” she arched her back when he nipped her skin. “Oh God…”_

_She never wanted the feelings to end. His hands, lips, tongue, and teeth made slow love to her. Hotch paid attention to every detail. He kissed the light birthmark on her collarbone. He flicked the ring in her left nipple._

_He bit her nipple and did it again and again when she asked. He stroked and squeezed; kissed and played. When he hummed and blew on her skin, Emily moaned. She pulled him away from her breasts, kissing him hard. Hotch moved her thighs apart and touched the soft, wet skin._

_“God, I want you so much.” he whispered through clenched teeth as he made love to her with his fingers._

_“Get undressed.” Emily reached down to undo his jeans._

_Hotch yanked them down with one hand, along with his boxer briefs. His erection ached…he needed to be inside of her. But he could feel her clit pulse against his fingers; she was close. Only a fool would stop now. Emily moved her hand over his and they both worked to bring her to climax._

_“Mmm, oh God, yes, yes, oh Aaron, oh God…”_

_“I need to feel you come.” He said in her ear before taking the lobe hostage between his lips._

_Whimpering, Emily gave him what he wanted. Then she slipped her fingers in his mouth so Hotch could taste her desire. He knew with one drop that he was addicted._

_“Holy hell.” He was just as breathless as she was. “Should we…I don’t have any condoms.”_

_“I've got plenty. I'm on the pill if you wanna go bare back, cowboy.”_

_“Don’t you ever have sex without a condom. It’s dangerous and I don’t want to lose you.”_

_“You're the only one I ever have.”_

_That wasn’t quite true. There was that first time with Sam in Scranton. But every time after he always protected himself and her. Honestly, Emily didn’t give a damn if Hotch wanted to use 10 condoms._

_Whatever he needed, he better get it before she exploded from want. Hotch opened the nightstand drawer. He grabbed the box of condoms knowing they would be there. It was now or never; it had to be now._

“Don’t move.” Emily said, still holding onto him.

“I can't.”

“Oh God, don’t make me laugh Aaron Hotchner.”

He sat up some and looked at her. “I love your laugh.”

Emily kissed him and then hugged him close again. She loved feeling his weight on her…she loved smelling his sweaty skin. The thought of spending an entire afternoon wrapped up in him made her tingle all over. Hotch was so close that he had to feel it too. She wanted him to feel it.

“Shit!”

“What? What's the matter?”

“I need to write this down.”

Hotch moved over to the mattress as Emily jumped out of bed. She threw his sweater on over her naked frame. Rushing over to the dresser she grabbed her notebook and pen. Emily opened a random page as she sat in the chair and just began to write. First she scribbled furiously with one hand, lighting a clove with another. Then she thought, scratched some things out, and scribbled more.

Hotch just watched her. He was fascinated by the pen moving over the page and the smoke dancing above her. Could she possibly be writing about what they just experienced together? Just the idea that she might be made Hotch want her all over again.

“As soon as you're done writing, I think you should come back to bed.” he said.

“I can't think of a better way to spend the afternoon…or the evening.” Emily replied. “Are you sure you don’t want to go exploring.”

“I do want to go exploring, Emily. Come back to bed.”

Hotch smiled, his chin resting on the palm of his hand as she wrote. This was what he wanted. It seemed to be what Emily wanted as well. How this afternoon would translate into something more, he wasn’t entirely sure. Right now Hotch just wanted to focus on this bliss. Even if it just lasted a couple of hours, he wanted it. He wanted Emily Prentiss.

***

They drove the two hours from Manhattan to New Haven late on Monday morning. Emily didn’t even listen to music in the car; she just needed to meditate and think. She and Hotch spent most of Saturday and Sunday making love. When they weren't doing that, he joined Emily and some friends for a Backslide show at the Glitter Lounge.

On Sunday Hotch had dinner with Jason. He managed to deflect most of his questions about what was going on between the FBI agent and Emily. Hotch didn’t quite have those answers but when he got them Emily would be the first to know. Jason wouldn’t probably be the second.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked.

“Probably, but I don’t know what to say.”

“How do you feel?”

“Oh God,” Emily smirked. “You sound like my shrink.”

“You have a shrink?”

“Of course I have a shrink…I'm a Prentiss aren’t I? I think Rachel came with my birth certificate and christening gown. She’s really been a godsend through all of this. Some days I didn’t know what I was feeling. Some days I still don’t.”

“You think seeing Adam will help?” Hotch asked.

“It’s the only thing I haven’t tried yet.” She replied. “I keep saying Adam is my friend but I'm not sure if people really understand. I cared about him, he cared about me; and he tried to kill me. A part of me just wants to see the Adam I know.

“I want to see the guy who knows way too much about music and movies. I want to see the guy who blushed the first time he and Spencer kissed under some mistletoe. Maybe he doesn’t even exist and never did. That’s what I need to know.”

000

They walked into the Yale-New Haven Psychiatric Hospital and Emily just stopped. Hotch put his arm around her shoulder as she took a deep breath.

“You don’t have to do this.” He whispered.

“Stop saying that, Aaron…yes I do.”

She got her bearings and they went up to the nurses’ desk. After signing in, Emily had to provide her driver’s license to be copied. Hotch’s FBI ID was enough to get him in with little scrutiny. In fact, she noticed he was in full FBI gear today. He wore a black suit, white dress shirt, ugly blue tie, and spiffy black shoes. He looked as if he would interrogate anyone at any minute.

“You can take the elevator to the 4th floor.” The nurse said. “Someone at the nurses’ station will help you.”

“Thank you.” Hotch took Emily over to the elevator. They rode up in silence. There was a lot to say but so far they'd just gone in circles.

He looked at her, Emily looked a little lost. There was also sadness in her that Hotch didn’t think he could reach. Just the fact that she let him see it was a big deal. What he didn’t have to struggle to see was her determination. She was going to do this.

The answers she sought might never be found. Emily knew that as well as he did. That wasn’t going to stop her from asking the questions. As the doors opened onto the 4th floor, Emily slipped her hand in his. Hotch would do his best to give her support and comfort.

“I'm here to see Adam Jackson please.” She said at the nurses’ station.

“And your name?” a friendly looking woman asked.

“Emily Prentiss.”

“Wait just a moment.”

They waited about five minutes. Emily just watched as a flurry of patients, visitors, doctors, and staff moved around them. Finally a guy with blue scrubs came around the desk. He was African-American, walked with a noticeable limp, but had an open, friendly face.

“I'm Bill; you guys can just follow me. I’ll get you settled and then get Adam.”

“How is he feeling today?” Emily asked.

“Well he's a relatively quiet patient but he ate all of his breakfast and took his meds. You're the first visitor to see him in about a week.”

“His parents don’t visit?” Hotch asked.

“His mother was here once but that’s it as far as I know.” Bill said. “I don’t think he has a good relationship with her but she pays for his care so that’s something. This is the sun room. You can make yourselves comfortable and I’ll get Adam.”

“Are there rules?” Emily asked. “Will I be allowed to touch him?”

“You can absolutely touch him.” Bill nodded. “There can be no exchange of bodily fluids, including French kissing. We had a guy once whose girlfriend was passing him drugs on her tongue. Hugs are fine and you can hold hands as well. He’s not psychotic and his medication makes him calm and lucid.”

“Thanks.” She tried to put on a smile.

He left the room and Emily took off her scarf and peacoat. She draped them over the back of the chair she would sit in.

“I'm so nervous.” She whispered.

“I know. You wanted to do this and you will do this. I'm here for support.”

“I truly thank you.”

Emily wanted to throw her arms around him but didn’t want Adam to see something like that. She knew it was that monster inside of him that was obsessed with her and not the guy himself but still, why push it? When Bill came back into the room with him, Emily could hardly believe what she was seeing. Adam looked like himself…minus the Backstreet Boys haircut he was sporting. He had on ripped jeans, Airwalk sneakers, and a Rainbow tee shirt. One of his wrists was heavily bandaged; that broke Emily’s heart.

“Adam.”

“Emily…wherever I may find her.”

Without thought, she rushed into his arms. They hugged each other for a long time. Then they made their way over to the table. He had a shy smile for Hotch.

“Hey Agent Hotchner.”

“Hello, Adam. How are you feeling?”

“The pills are supposed to bring clarity but…yeah. Some days are better than others I guess.”

“What happened to your hair?” Emily asked. She rustled it and it made him smile.

“Long hair is not allowed.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s like high school all over again. I can't believe I can get away with my rock tees in this place.”

“What are the doctors saying about your condition?”

“Well, I'm crazy. But honestly that makes me feel better. If I ever would've hurt someone I care about when I was in my right mind that would be so uncool. And at least most crazy has a cure so there's hope. Is Sam Kassmeyer OK? I honestly haven’t asked anyone else and they never told me.”

“He’s fine.” Emily nodded. “He doesn’t blame you; this wasn’t your fault.”

“Do you really believe that?” Adam asked.

“Yeah. The person who hurt us seemed to hate you just as much. Do you know her name, Adam? She wouldn’t tell me.”

“Her name is Amanda. She used to be my imaginary friend when I was a little boy. Its um…I don’t want to talk about her.” he shook his head.

“OK. I just wanted to come and lay my eyes on you. I wanted to make sure you were alright and didn’t need anything. Are you getting visitors?”

“My lawyer comes every other week. Rick comes every other week too and sometimes he brings Desi. I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s really stood by during this and I’ll never be able to tell him how much I appreciate it. Kyle Collins comes occasionally and brings magazines published after 1997.” Adam smirked. “Spencer comes once a week usually. Don’t tell anyone though…he doesn’t want to upset Morgan.”

“Morgan will get over it if he’s upset. But I told him I was coming and he didn’t try to stop me.”

“It means a lot to me that you're here.” Adam said. “I'm so sorry about what happened, Em. You’ve never been anything but cool to me.”

“You’ve been a good friend too. That’s what I’ll tell anyone who asks me. At the same time, this might be the best place for you to get help.”

“I might be here awhile too. I want help though; I'm obeying doctor’s orders. I have therapy every other day and I take all my meds. It could be some time before they say I'm not dangerous. I’d honestly stay here forever if it meant I didn’t have to go to Sing Sing.”

“You're not going to prison.” Emily put her hand over his.

“Don’t make me that promise; I shot a guy. And he was a nice guy too. People go to jail for shooting nice guys.”

“You weren't yourself and there are people who can testify to that if need be. Look, I only want you to focus on getting better. That’s what's going to make you and the people who love you happy. The Manhattan DA surely has bigger fish to fry right now.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Adam tried to smile. “I just wish it was Jack McCoy and not that guy who came out here to see me last month. I didn’t like him at all. He acted as if he just wanted to get a conviction under his belt.”

“Nobody is as awesome as Jack McCoy.” Emily replied, smiling too.

“Adam, may I ask a question?” Hotch asked.

“Sure.”

“How old were you when Amanda became your imaginary friend?”

“Five. My real dad died the year before and my mother remarried for the first time. I was really lonely and my stepfather had certain ideas about how boys should behave and what they should do.” Adam scratched his head nervously, unable to meet Hotch’s eyes. “Amanda was there for me when no one else was.”

He took a deep breath but didn’t elaborate. He focused on Emily instead.

“Your support means a lot to me.” Adam said.

“You have it as long as getting better is your top priority. I can't say I’ll visit often cuz things get crazy, but I will visit. Hey can you get email here?”

“Yeah; we have limited computer time. Boy do I miss going online whenever I want and listening to music, watching videos, just being a dork. They let me keep my iPod in here but they have to check it once a week to make sure there's no contraband on it.”

“What would they call contraband?” Hotch asked.

“Well lots of people have lots of different issues. I can have music and movies but they still check the content to make sure I don’t download violent movies or death metal or something. Dude, I just wanna listen to Dio.”

“I can understand that.” Hotch nodded.

“I just wish none of this ever happened.” Adam went on. “The doctors tell me that I had to break eventually but they say usually people with my condition end up hurting themselves. I wish that would've happened this time. I'm so sorry, Emily.”

“Stop saying that; I know you are. I want you to take care of yourself, OK?”

“I will. Hey, I know Babylon is doing great things. I have been able to keep up with some of the music news. How excited are you?”

“I'm really excited.” Talking about her band got a real smile from Emily. “We’ve all worked so hard for this. I should probably get going now.”

Adam stood, he understood. No one stayed very long except Spencer. He’d bring board games, lunch, puzzles…make a day of it. Adam was grateful to have him as a friend right now.

“Please take care.” Emily hugged him again.

“You too. Hey, this is a weird question, but do you have my camera and stuff? Rick said he couldn’t find it when he and Desi cleaned out my apartment.”

“Yeah. I had to give the police your backpack; it was evidence. I took out the two camcorders before I did.” Emily put her finger over her lips. “Don’t tell anyone.”

Adam crossed his heart that he wouldn’t.

“I promise to keep them safe for you.”

“Making that movie was one of the coolest times in my life. I truly appreciate being allowed to spend that time with you guys. Watch the movie Em. Get the band together and watch it. Let me know if it’s worth a damn.”

“I will. I’ll email you.”

“Cool.” Adam had a real smile too. “Take care Emily.”

“Bye.”

“Goodbye, Agent Hotchner.”

“Goodbye, Adam.”

He waved as Bill escorted out of the room. Hotch came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. Emily just nodded, putting her scarf around her neck. Hotch helped her into her coat.

“How do you feel?” he asked; coming around to button it up.

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t feel worse though, so that’s good right?”

“Yes. C'mon I’ll take you home.”

Emily nodded, taking his hand and walking to the elevators. She expected an epiphany but didn’t get it. Adam looked well so that was something. Maybe it would sink in over the next few days.

Emily would probably be alone when it did. She was desperate to talk about this. That was nearly impossible when she couldn’t get her thoughts together in her own mind. Adam wasn’t the only one who would need a lot of help over time.

“Do you have plans tonight?” Hotch asked.

They were about halfway home; Hotch was doing the speed limit. At least he wasn’t as bad as Spencer. He drove under it. The quiet was starting to get to him. He’d never seen Emily so quiet in her life; not even after someone tried to kill her.

He knew she needed it…everything needed to sink in. She’d probably been feeling this way for the past five months. He wouldn’t know since he was hiding out in Quantico. He’d been hiding from feelings that exploded after only two hours together.

“We’re having a potluck dinner and rehearsal at Morgan’s place. We’ll be shoring up the set for the State College gigs. We’re doing shows on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Sam’s bringing Jessie to her first Babylon show on Friday. They’re going to hang out with us.”

“That sounds good. Jason told me how the major record companies fell through. I know how excited you guys were; I was sorry to hear that.”

“Everything happens for a reason.” Emily replied. “I honestly don’t think Babylon is a major record label band. Our songs were used on Grey’s Anatomy and Entourage. Ashes and Dust is still selling well, particularly downloads. We just signed a two record deal, with an option for a third, with Dragon’s Lair Records. They’re a subsidiary of Arista, which is the big time. But they’re still an indie label so we get our freedom.

“We actually have a person…can you believe it? Kate Joyner is cool and she and Jason are getting us out there. At the end of March we’re going to Europe to open on some Bic Runga dates. I love her music. We made our first video a few weeks ago. We may never be U2, and I might never get my vacation, but being in a working band is respectable.”

“You need a vacation.” He said.

“Believe me I know. Have you ever been exhausted but energized at the same time?”

“No.” Hotch shook his head.

“So I'm deluding myself?” she asked.

“Probably.”

“Damn. I think the last thing I need is a voice of reason.”

“They're good to have around sometimes.” He replied.

“Like when?” Emily looked at him.

“I don't know. Sometimes you find yourself in the weird spaces between and don’t know to proceed.”

“You would apply logic…I would go with the flow.”

“I'm falling in love with you.” Hotch said.

“And I've missed you like crazy since you walked away in Boston.”

“Should we do something about it?” he asked.

“I thought about luring you back into my apartment and tying you up. But kidnapping is still illegal.”

“The last time I checked, yes it is. May I ask you a slightly insensitive question?”

“That intrigues me…go ahead.”

“Are you even interested in a monogamous, long distance relationship?”

“I'm interested in you.” Emily replied. “We can make the rest work, Hotch.”

“Do you think we can?”

“I have a lot more self-control than I usually exhibit. What about you?”

“I have too much self-control.” He said.

“Well duh, but that’s not what I meant. I meant are you interested in a monogamous, long distance relationship?”

“I'm interested in you. I'm very interested in you. That’s why when you come back from Europe I'm taking two weeks off and we’re going wherever you want.”

“What?” Emily looked at him.

“It’s going to be just the two of us, Emily. We’ll get to talk, rest, you can write songs, and I might be able to actually finish a novel when I start it. Just tell me anywhere you want to go and I’ll take you.”

“Have you ever been to Prague?” she asked.

“No.”

“So we’ll go to Prague.”

“I’ll make all the plans. You get to sit back and relax.”

“Hotch, are you serious?”

“You're not the only one who needs time away from all of this. I want to be with you and we need peace and quiet to start our journey together. It seems as if that’s what we both want.”

Emily didn’t know what to say. What could she say really? He wanted to take her away. She couldn’t deny that she needed a break. Her life had been a whirlwind for the past seven years.

Did she really need to waste her time questioning things that didn’t need to be questioned? Hotch said he was falling in love with her. She felt that was probably one of the boldest things he’d ever said in his life. Emily felt the same but wasn’t ready to put it out there yet. Despite how awesome the weekend was, sex didn’t make a relationship.

They both had a hell of a lot to find out about each other. Hotch was ahead of the game…he dissected some of her life for an investigation. Oh God, he even knew about Ian. Well at least she wouldn’t have to talk to him about it.

“What's your favorite color?” Emily asked.

“Maroon.”

“That’s mine as well.” she smiled.

“I knew that.” when Hotch smiled his dimples came out to play.

“What about your favorite movie?”

“That’s _To Kill a Mockingbird_. But I do cry every time I see _Forrest Gump_.”

“What's your favorite book?” she asked.

“I'm torn between _A Separate Peace_ and _To Kill a Mockingbird_. Once on a flight from Quantico to San Francisco I read _Hollywood Wives_. One of my teammates thought it would be perfect for the case I was working on.”

“I love that. Have you ever been married?”

“No.” Hotch shook his head. “We have plenty of time to ask each other a million questions. Doing it over time, and dinner probably, is much more pleasant than interrogation style. At least I think so.”

“OK.” She nodded. “I have just one more.”

“Shoot.”

“What’s your favorite position?”

“On my stomach; hands under my head.” He replied.

“My id could have such fun with that, Agent Hotchner.”

“That’s why I said it. I have a playful side too, Prentiss.”

Emily laughed. Hotch loved the joyous sound and the feelings it caused in his belly. It would be so hard to leave her today but he needed to get back to his hotel and on the road quickly. All Hotch wanted to know was when they could be together again.

“I know how busy your job is.” Emily said.

“Yes, it is.”

“We’re throwing a huge Bon Voyage party before we head off to Europe next month.”

“I’ll be there but I hope to see you before then.”

“I can always come to you too. My hours are more flexible.”

“And you want to do this Emily?” Hotch didn't want to ask but he wanted to hear it. Since it wasn’t going to be easy, both of them being absolutely sure would make things smoother.

“What you said earlier…I feel the same way. I have no idea how you swept me off my feet but I refuse to deny anymore that you have. Can you stay an extra hour or so after you drop me off?”

“Yes.” He replied without taking a breath. He’d be pressed for time after that but in the end it didn’t matter. A little extra time with Emily was worth that. Soon enough Hotch would be back in Quantico and missing her.

***

  



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